Choosing To Spend Christmas Alone

Christmas_Alone_On_Own_Mental_Illness_DID_Trauma_Eating_Disorder_Feast_Choice_Choose

I’ve spent several months quietly pondering how I’ll spend Christmas this year. In previous years I’ve gone away with family, or visited friends. Last year I was in hospital for Christmas due to an Eating Disorder relapse – that sucked.

This year my family are going out of state for a family reunion. I’m not attending because this is a branch of the family that I’m completely unrelated to, and I don’t know at all. Multiple friends have invited me to spend Christmas day with them, but I’ve politely declined.

I want to stay at home. I want to have a special Christmas that’s as magical, exciting, and enjoyable as some of my childhood ones were. Despite ongoing abuse during my childhood Christmases were generally okay. There was no religious focus in my family. Instead of the focus was on gift giving, and feasting.

My mother was an excellent cook. Absolutely excellent! Christmas meant homemade sausage rolls, and fruit mince pies. All the potato chips, chocolate, lollies, and snacks you could imagine. Plus almost unlimited soft drink. There would be a late cooked lunch – an utterly amazing roast with all the trimmings. This in stark comparison to the rest of the year when there were strict rules around food and eating imposed by my mother.

So this year I’m creating my own feast. I’m making the fruit mince pies (just the way my mother did, and they’re absolutely brilliant!), and planning a roast lunch or dinner. I’m buying all the junk food I don’t usually eat. There will be soft drink, coffee, and perhaps a small amount of alcohol. I’m making cheesecake and/or trifle.

I intend to spend the day feasting and watching trashy Christmas movies I already own, or on Netflix. I’ve welcomed friends to visit if they choose, but this year I’m not going anywhere. I’m resting and relaxing.

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