Continual Switching

Usually I, Life As A Committee, rarely switch in front of people. I try desperately to avoid switching, and hide who’s out. I don’t want people to see other parts out. I don’t want friends to think I’m strange or weird. I don’t want people to see the crazy.

I’ve been in hospital for two weeks now. For the last week we’ve been regularly switching. No one part/alter stays out for much more than half a day. I’m used to being out for days, weeks, months on end. Everyone else finds it much more tiring, and not because of the body’s physical health issues.

As soon as one part feels tired, or particularly overwhelmed, they tend to go back inside. Then someone who hasn’t been out so recently can come out, and take over for the next few hours. It’s meant that nurses generally have no clue which of us they’re talking to (unless they make the effort to ask, or it’s particularly obvious it’s not me), and our psychiatrist has been seeing a different part each day.

I’ve given up fighting it. Trying not to switch when other parts are desperate to be out is exhausting. Trying to fight a switch means I begin to feel increasingly dissociated, and other’s thoughts, emotions, and urges become overwhelming.

Here, in hospital, I’ve given up caring about switching. We’re switching multiple times a day as different parts find themselves needing time and space to express themselves. This can be through writing, drawing, or talking. Some parts are still hesitant to talk and prefer non-verbal ways of communicating. This doesn’t mean they haven’t been out. It just means if they’re out we’re very quiet, or someone who can talk comes back when there’s a need for us to talk.

Some of our switching is planned. We know what triggers certain parts to come out, and use that to do some more focussed work with them. Other times we discuss everyone’s wants and needs, and work out who’s the best part to be out at particular time.

We’ll be going home next week, and I hope the regular switching can continue. It makes life easier when we switch cooperatively. That’s something we need to have continue.

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2 thoughts on “Continual Switching

  1. Hi, I used to have amnesia when I switched and amnesia of the amnesia. Now we’re co-conscious, all the time (I think). I don’t think I’m mad anymore, so don’t get stressed about being mad. All (or I think all) the stuff that I didn’t know about, got replayed in my mind through flash backs, that’s why I thought I was mad and I did go mad as a result. But know as we’re all cleaned out ( I think). Life is much better, due to this mutual awareness. I think, as there is only two of us (as far as I know). She still can’t communicate with me about anything I don’t already know about, including thoughts and ideas, that are different than mine.

    Our case is a lot more straightforward than yours. We want to merge, but don’t really know how this can be achieved. I have the majority of control and my other half only takes over when I am severely stressed. Though she can speak, if what she says seems agreeable to me, or can bypass me if she is quick. She has the largest part of our personality (although we agree with the DIDS concept, we think that are personality is split). So I think I could benefit from, what she has and I don’t; she would benefit from the liberation, but she is worried about losing what makes her feel empowered by taking on someone as low in confidence as me, so she has been working to build up my confidence and support me through the trauma of finding out. I think to some extent it’s working as my knowledge and confidence grows, the divide seems less. Her memory and interlect is better than mine though and this can only really be used to benefit us, if we merge. However I think we’re not quite ready to ask for help with this. We live in the UK could you give us any advice about merging and how to gain help from the NHS, I’m afraid we can’t self fund. Good luck, with your struggles and don’t give up, did you get flashbacks? J. J. Xx

    • Hi J. J.
      Unfortunately I can’t give advice about accessing support via the NHS as we’re in Australia and have a different health system.

      You could possibly try PODS (http://www.pods-online.org.uk) and see if they can help connect you with the support you need.

      I experience flashbacks, and generally don’t cope well with them, but I’m learning. You’ve seen my other post on flashbacks so I’m glad you found that 🙂

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