And Now They Know

I’ve been quiet again. Things were going really well after my last hospital admission back in August. Life was good, busy, and enjoyable.

At some point stress began to build, but I kept going knowing that the overwhelming emotions would settle and life would go on.

I don’t know when that changed. It did at some point. I decided losing weight would make me feel better, especially with summer coming up. Healthy, balanced eating slowly disappeared as more eating disorder (ED) behaviours crept in.

Now it’s a full blown relapse. I’ve been trying to ignore it, and brush behaviours and symptoms off as no big deal. My psychologist and GP have warned me of the seriousness of my symptoms. I’ve got blood tests and an ECG to be done today, and follow up appointments with my psychologist and GP next week.

The week after that – hospital. Again. My first admission ever for the eating disorder. The ED has been around for thirteen years. In that time I’ve seen many psychologists, psychiatrists, and dietitians. I’ve done outpatient therapy, intensive outpatient programs,  and group work. I’ve never been admitted to hospital for the ED.

I’ve hidden symptoms, relapses, and hospital admissions from my family for many years. It’s been easier to not discuss my mental health. This time, with Christmas approaching and family gatherings to attend, I haven’t been able to hide it.

Last night I admitted to a family member that I was in the middle of an ED relapse and would be in hospital in the weeks leading up to Christmas. This family member seemed to take it well, and was as supportive as possible. It’s a relief to not have to try to hide the upcoming hospital admission and make excuses about why I can’t make it to family gatherings.


2 thoughts on “And Now They Know

  1. Dear LAAC, On the heels of victories for us DID folks is almost always a step back. Every time I do better, I have a relapse. But as I make progress with my pyscologist and put in the hard work year after year, the relapses come less often and less severly. Take courage LAAC, you are not alone in your struggle! I am pulling for you! Even if no one acknowledges your courage and strength, you can. And this blog is a testament to both. All of us who read here are witnesses of your tremendous strength and courage.

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