I’ve been quiet again. Things were going really well after my last hospital admission back in August. Life was good, busy, and enjoyable.
At some point stress began to build, but I kept going knowing that the overwhelming emotions would settle and life would go on.
I don’t know when that changed. It did at some point. I decided losing weight would make me feel better, especially with summer coming up. Healthy, balanced eating slowly disappeared as more eating disorder (ED) behaviours crept in.
Now it’s a full blown relapse. I’ve been trying to ignore it, and brush behaviours and symptoms off as no big deal. My psychologist and GP have warned me of the seriousness of my symptoms. I’ve got blood tests and an ECG to be done today, and follow up appointments with my psychologist and GP next week.
The week after that – hospital. Again. My first admission ever for the eating disorder. The ED has been around for thirteen years. In that time I’ve seen many psychologists, psychiatrists, and dietitians. I’ve done outpatient therapy, intensive outpatient programs, and group work. I’ve never been admitted to hospital for the ED.
I’ve hidden symptoms, relapses, and hospital admissions from my family for many years. It’s been easier to not discuss my mental health. This time, with Christmas approaching and family gatherings to attend, I haven’t been able to hide it.
Last night I admitted to a family member that I was in the middle of an ED relapse and would be in hospital in the weeks leading up to Christmas. This family member seemed to take it well, and was as supportive as possible. It’s a relief to not have to try to hide the upcoming hospital admission and make excuses about why I can’t make it to family gatherings.