Allowing Friends to be Friends

I’ve written before about how people can help when I’m struggling. Sometimes I know of things that will help, but other times I have no idea.

Things have become difficult again for various reasons. I’m currently house hunting, and have all the uncertainty and stress that goes with that. I’m also approaching several trauma anniversaries. These anniversaries are spread over the next few months.

Usually this time of year comes with an internal meltdown in one form or another. This comes along with flashbacks, severe dissociative episodes, and internal chaos. We’ve also been struggling with internal communication for quite some time. We have much less contact and co-consciousness with each other.

I’m doing what I can to keep going until I see my psychiatrist next week. A hospital admission is on the cards, but given I’m going to be moving house soon arranging an admission is going to be difficult.

It’s times like these that makes me realise that I need people. I need my friends. I need people to ask how I am, ask if they can help, talk about normal things, and offer to spend time with me.

It’s made me think about friendship. I want to be there for my friends. I want them to know I love, and care about them, and that I’ll do what I can to help them through a rough time. On the other hand – I’m the first to push friends away when I’m struggling.

It occurred to me this morning that, maybe, being a good friend also means allowing friends to be there for me. A good friend asked me if I needed her to come and hang out with me. I told her no, that there was nothing she could do. Thankfully she questioned my response, and asked again. The second time I told her ‘maybe’ and added that ‘it would help fill the day’.

Life is complicated, confusing, stressful, and overwhelming, but if I can allow friends to be friends, maybe it will be just a little bit easier.

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