Apologies for my absence – the wrist pain persists! It’s been one month now – without work, with very limited writing, typing, sewing, painting etc. It’s frustrating, boring and isolating. I’m getting appropriate treatment but it’s a slow process and I have no idea when my wrist will be back to normal.
Often, when I have time off from work, I’ll start a creative project of some kind. I have so many things half finished at the moment – a wooden jewellery box that I’m painting, building rock caves for my fish tank, sewing fiddle tags onto my weighted blankets… along with the usual drawing, colouring in etc. However, because of my wrist – I can’t do those things, or only in very small amounts.
Work is out of the question and I don’t know for how long. I worked just over weight hours this week. I did about three hours training a new staff member which was simple – didn’t require any use of my wrist aside from ticking items off on my list. But then, the real shift, on register – scanning, handling cash, lifting bags. Not good. The pain flared up slightly whilst working, but the following day (today) – bad pain. I’ve seen a physiotherapist, have stronger anti-inflamatories and will go back next week for a follow up.
I am managing to find activities to fill my days and to break the monotony, but… it sucks. I want to work. I want to feel productive and useful and I want to be around people! I also miss the things I can’t do (or only in limited amounts) right now – writing is the big one! I’d normally churn out, at least, six pages of typed or hand written A4 pages per week. Some weeks it’s much, much more. Writing is definitely the most painful activity, along with sewing and scanning groceries at work. I can type with much more ease, but large amounts of typing will cause just as much pain as a small amount of writing.
It leaves me with a bit of a dilemma – write (or type) and process everything that’s happening internally or don’t write and risk chaos building inside and spiralling out of control. It’s hard! I can’t write a minimal amount because it’s not enough to process and manage all that goes on in my head. It’s a bit of an all or nothing situation, although I am trying to find middle ground. I try to have more conversations inside instead of writing it all… which is hard because I tend not to remember internal conversations, written conversations are much better. It means that when I do feel chaos building inside I ignore any pain and start writing. It’s not ideal, but it prevents a full blown mental health crisis.
There’s also the enjoyable side to writing. It’s definitely a passion and I love that it keeps me thinking whilst I’m not at uni. There are so many things I want to write about – I have a list saved to my desktop that’s already a page long and I’m constantly adding to it! I’d love to hear suggestions on anything you’d like to see me write about or questions you’d like answered. Anything about mental health, DID, trauma, therapy… I don’t know – anything along those lines or anything related to any of my previous posts!