I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror today whilst I was at a market with a friend. I saw a reflection of the body as it is, as me.
I know that this is me. I know that this is what I look like. Yet… lately, when I see this image in the mirror – I don’t connect it with being me. I wonder who it is. I can, logically, work out that it’s me, even though I don’t connect that image with myself. It’s so confusing!
I know different parts/alters have been out and don’t recognise the body as them. It’s happened to Miss 5 and to Miss 12. They see the body’s reflection and get so confused because they don’t look like the body. I say “the body” because, honestly… I don’t connect how the body looks with myself. I’m not sure what that means – whether I’m a part or… just part of dissociation.
I’m curious to know if this happens to people who don’t have a dissociative disorder or dissociative symptoms. How do other people perceive themselves? Does the image you have of yourself, in your head, differ from the reflection in the mirror? If it differs – what’s your reaction to that? How does it make you feel? How do you respond to your reflection?
Here is a picture of what I think I look like. It’s confusing because this is actually what Miss 12 looks like. I think i look similar to this, but older and with my own eyes. I have blonde hair, to my shoulders. I don’t wear glasses. I am a bit thinner than the body currently is, but fairly average. Short brown hair and glasses (that we have now) are so confusing!
This all makes me wonder who I am. I have absolutely no clue. I suppose that is something to discuss in therapy tomorrow.