Life is busy. A good busy, it seems, but busy none the less. After my week off from life I am completely back in to the swing of things – and feeling good about it too!
I was back at work and uni this week which was really nice. Work was actually enjoyable. Enjoyable in the sense of catching up with work mates and being with people I know and enjoy spending time with. I was tired but it was fun… as fun as work can be, anyway.
Uni was laughable. Honestly. I have one class on campus and going seems like such a waste. The tutor rambles, almost mindlessly, about the topic for the week. He mostly paraphrases the reading from the textbook. Very little group work or stimulating discussion to be had. This is a sociology class – it could be interesting! The rest of the class, it seems, don’t do any reading. I know that’s “normal”, but I’m a bit of a nerd and having to rehash content directly from the text book in each class is boring and tiresome. Oh, if only I were the tutor!
I’ve caught up on lots of my reading and notes for both psychology and sociology though. Thats very satisfying and lessens that anxiety inside. That voice (my own internal voice, not DID related) that says – “You’re behind, you’ll fail, oh my God, it’s all over, you’ll have no life, you’ll work in retail for the rest of your life!”
I worry. I stress. That’s just what I do. I’ve learnt to be realistic about it though and to manage it appropriately. Keeping up with reading and notes significantly lessens any anxiety and stress. Starting assignments early also helps a lot. I know how to get through uni relatively stress free. Plus, come exam time, I’ve got pages of notes for each topic with everything I need to know. Last minute cramming is not my style!
I also got an iphone last week – my first ever smart phone! I am very happy. Very, very happy. I’ve found a few apps that are so incredibly useful to me. One is a mood tracking app (T2 Mood Tracker) that comes with five or so different scales (eg. Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, Head Injury) you can use. You rate things like mood (Happy – Sad), Anxiety (Anxious – Content) and fatigue (Drowsy – Alert).
I’ve made up my own scale which goes like this:
Sad – Happy
Anxious – Content
Distracted – Focussed
Avoiding – Welcoming (in terms of avoiding alters, memories, therapy homework etc.)
Withdrawn – Social
Switchy – Not Switchy (Couldn’t think of a word for the opposite of “switchy”, ideas?)
Dissociated – Present
Self-Harm – No Self-Harm
Restricting – Bingeing (food)
Alcohol – No Alcohol
These are the things I thought would be useful for me to keep track of, as well as useful to my treating team. Some are clearly a yes or no (eg. alcohol or self-harm), where as the rest are s sliding scale. The app graphs your results and you can add notes about the day as well. For example I can list triggers or events, prn medication I took etc. Love this app!
I also downloaded “RxmindMe” which is a medication tracking and reminding app. Firstly – you can set it up with all the medications you take, dose, time to take (with reminders), photos of the medication and enter how many pills you have to begin with so you can see how many you have left. You can also enter when PRN medications are taken. I take multivitamins every day, which isn’t terribly hard to keep track of because I have one of those pill boxes, however, I do forget to actually take them. This app solves my problem. You can also export the data so, if need be, you can show your GP, psychiatrist etc. what you’ve been taking, how much, and when.
So that’s me just about done! I’m all out of things to say and still have a lot of studying to get done – blame study for the lack of recent updates!