Exhaustion.

Oh gosh. I haven’t had nearly enough sleep recently. I know the last three nights for sure, I don’t remember before then.

The first night, someone younger was around and was throwing a tantrum about going to bed. I could feel my face change and curl up the way a toddlers does right before they start crying and screaming. I think the issue there was that it was dark in my room, that sleep and bed was bad.

Then we’d be in bed, lying there… a timer set on our laptop so it would turn off after two hours of quiet music. We drifted off a bit the first two nights, only to wake soon after the laptop had turned off. From then on we were awake regularly throughout the night. Not completely, but enough to know I was awake again and would then toss and turn and drift off for a little longer.

Safe to say I’m really worn out right now. I’ve usually said that after a week of poor or non-existent sleep I’d be suicidal. That’s how it’s worked in the past This time, I don’t know. It hasn’t been a week but I know I’m struggling. I’m emotionally frazzled.

I’m physically exhausted which certainly doesn’t help. I just have to hope that I can hold on long enough to get some energy back. I think I can do it, but I know being in this situation is risky. I don’t have a free day until the 24th. Although I can have a sleep ins on the 19th, 20th, 21st and 22nd. I just hope I can sleep in those mornings. I took sleep meds very early last night, and took double, and still had a restless night. Still woke up before 9am.

I’ve emailed my psychologist for ideas. I have no clue.

I don’t want to cut back on what I’m doing. Im doing one extra shift at work this week, I’d feel terrible to turn that down now. Plus it’s a cruisey shift – dressing up in a costume to promote the store and serve samples of food. Uni, I do need to go to, mostly because I need the readings and study guide. I could skip class, but whilst I’m there I might as well go.

I also need to study. I don’t have a huge workload – two subjects, but there’s still plenty to do. Most of my reading is done for the week but I’m way behind on notes. I just have so little energy.

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